


shall we date? i will never surrender!

by kingozma



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: AU - You'll See!, Deconstructed Shoujo, F/M, Harems, Het, Plot Twists, RAD is a College Not A Highschool Because I Say So, Self-Insert, Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Spoilers, Shoujo, Trauma, being able to yell at men when they agress against you is feminism, everyone gets therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23318905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingozma/pseuds/kingozma
Summary: i've decided i can have a little a 2007-style self insert fanfiction as a treat, with a twist. will i ever finish this? maybe! this purely exists for my own fun. if you happen to enjoy this, though, that's good!.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.PLAYROOM OF THE MEMORY
Relationships: Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Solomon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	1. the beginning of a haunt set in the underworld... and... action!

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When Kara came back from the sea of dreams, she found right away that something was quite amiss.

To start, she was in a wide, dimly-lit meeting room, surrounded by exceedingly handsome men. What she would have normally assumed about this in her half-awake state was that the fashion police had finally come to imprison her for her crimes against society. I mean, we're talking about seriously conventionally attractive guys - they all had these little coordinated outfits on that matched and matched with their hair colors and everything!

And like, her neck also didn't hurt, despite the fact that she woke up in a chair? So that was unusual, on top of her feeling anything but vague annoyance in the presence of men.

One of the men, with deep brown skin and flawlessly messy red hair, showed Kara a calm, gentle smile that shone in his golden eyes and began to speak.

"Welcome to the Devildom, Kara," he said, crossing one leg over the other in his seat, "I imagine you're simply overflowing with questions, so I take this opportunity to give you a moment to catch your breath. Anything that comes to mind, anything at all you'd like to ask, just go ahead-!"

Kara squinted, then licked her middle finger, using it to rub the sleep from her eyes.

And then she said, "What you said just scanned with an alarming amount of confidence even though nothing about it made sense."

The red-haired man simply chuckled, taking the woman's ill humor in stride, while a black-haired, pale and red-eyed man beside him glanced in Kara's direction.

"No, no, I suppose you're right, it's all a lot to start with. So let's take a brief step back: my name is Diavolo, and I am the acting ruler of the Devildom at present, someday soon I will be appointed as king. And this is the Royal Academy of Diavolo..."

Kara tried not to let the flash judgment show on her face, but Diavolo seemed to pick up on it in an instant.

"I know what you might be thinking," he said, "What kind of narcissist has a college named after themselves? Haha, but it was actually my father who insisted on the name. Technically I'm Diavolo Jr., so keep that in mind - maybe Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr if we want to get technical, but hey! I don't imagine this is the time for semantics. Where you're sitting right now is RAD's assembly hall, the place where we officers of the student council hold our meetings and conduct our business... And I'm the president of said council. Are you following so far?"

Kara began to shrug, but her face scrunched up slightly and she decided Diavolo's effort deserved a nod. He was polite, and he was being about as informative as he could be, but one thing in particular was on her mind.

"So - that makes sense, I think... But what I wanna know real quick is what I have to do with this establishment. And -- The Devildom? What happened to the world I know, that a whole new country could spring up right under my nose?"

"Oh - This isn't a country, dear, this is an entire other dimension!" Diavolo laughed again. "Yes, worlds do in fact exist outside of yours. I know that's always quite a shock to you humans."

Kara felt her face begin to go numb with an unnameable terror. But she chuckled along, nodding politely.

Looking over at his black-haired associate, Diavolo asked, "Would you like to introduce yourself, or should I go ahead?"

"Eh? There's no need, Lord Diavolo, I can handle myself," said that associate, "My name is Lucifer, I am the Avatar of Pride, and it's a pleasure to meet you, Kara. I'm the vice-president of this great establishment's student council, and I am honored to offer you a most heartfelt welcome on behalf of the entire student body."

He's named Lucifer. Like the devil himself. Kara decided not to worry too much about whether she was literally speaking to the devil, or this guy was just named after one of the most famous demons in history. Otherwise, it'd start getting very hard to stay calm. Besides - what was this talk about Avatars?

"I've gotta say, I still... Don't understand how this involves me. You know, no offense meant to your school or anything, it looks nice, I just... I don't. Belong here," is what Kara said, stammering slightly.

With bright eyes, Diavolo said, "Oh, but you do! You see, I'm going to be running this place a little bit differently than the Demon Kings before me... Don't you think everyone's a little tired of all this _grrrr, kill the humans_ thing?"

Kara was especially tired of the idea, and she only just learned demons exist about two minutes ago. She grinned, nodding, fighting off a deep panic in her gut.

"Right?" Diavolo sighed, shaking his head, "We demons are civilized beings, and I'm tired of the reign of senseless killing that's characterized our species. I would much rather see humans and demons working together, playing together in perfect harmony! Of course, angels can join us too - this is why we've started an exchange program here at RAD. We've invited two humans - one of those is you - and two angels to join us here for two semesters, just... Learn a lot about each other, and hopefully prove that humans, demons and angels _can_ all get along!"

As far as demons go, Kara figured Diavolo wasn't all bad. But there was just one problem with this utopian dream...

"Uh... Diavolo, I have to say, this is a really cool thing you've got all figured out, and I totally agree! I think we'd all like a little more peace, love and understanding out here in the human world, but... I-I don't remember signing up for this. Not saying I don't wanna try this out! But... Y'know. Consent is kind of important."

Diavolo's smile faltered for a moment, and then he looked to Lucifer. And Lucifer looked back at Diavolo, his lips tightening slightly.

"Kara, I understand your concerns," said Lucifer, voice even and professional, "But try to think of this from our perspective - or from the perspective of your race... If you had a chance to save the human race from any future wars, any future conflicts with the world of demons, don't you think you owe it to your race to try? That is precisely what we're talking about here, of course. An end to all holy and unholy wars."

"An end to the end of days..." Kara said, eyes widening as the gravity of this whole situation began to dawn upon her.

"That's a clever dear," said Diavolo. "Wouldn't you agree this is a worthwhile cause? To be perfectly honest... You were chosen for our program because of a few special traits you harbor. You value compassion and patience, you value love between all people. You believe in protecting and empowering the small, and challenging the large to be kind."

Kara... Had never been told something like this before. Sure, she considered herself someone who strove to be kind as much as possible, but was she really so especially, beautifully, uniquely kind that she could find herself in an exchange program between realms?

"Um... I... I try to, anyway... Thank you," she said, finding that all of her confidence melted away. "I-I just... Want everyone to get along. Sometimes that takes some work, and some mutual negotiation..."

"Don't I know it!" Said Diavolo with a knowing smile.

"But... Sure, of course I think it's worth it to do whatever you can for the good of all people... I-I'm decided! I agree to these terms." It was all going so ridiculously fast, maybe this was a dream, but even if it was a dream, Kara didn't see any good in restraining herself from what sounded like the ultimate fantasy: interdimensional peace! How odd that she couldn't even think of bringing about peace on Earth and goodwill towards men before peace between realms...

Diavolo and Lucifer both looked a bit surprised, but relieved smiles came across both their faces.

"I promise you won't regret this, Kara!" Diavolo said, grinning widely, "We'll both be sure to make sure your time at RAD is fulfilling and fun!"

"And safe," said Lucifer, causing Kara to question herself for a moment, "But that's a conversation for another time. As you are an exchange student, of course, you will have tasks, assignments, projects, things of that sort to complete, including a paper at the end of the year about your exchange here in the Devildom. 50 pages at least on that one."

Kara grimaced a little, and nodded. It was unpleasant, but it was certainly fair - after all, who would have trouble coming up with 50 pages of content after spending a year in another world?!

"Surely you didn't think you'd be spending your time here fooling around, did you?" Lucifer asked, sighing slightly, noticing the look on Kara's face. "Don't look at me like that. It's not like I will abandon you all by yourself in the Devildom... Actually - speaking of that!"

He then reached into his pocket, pulling out a sleek, black smartphone, and he said, "You need someone to look after you, and I think that someone ought to be my brother Mammon, the Avatar and Greed... He might be a handful occasionally, but you'll find he's dependable when you need him to be."

Lucifer held the phone out to Kara.

"... I get a new phone as part of this deal?" Kara giggled a little, clearly excited. It looked like a state of the art model, too - who knew there'd be cellphones in Hell? "Uh- Thank you!"

"Of course," said Lucifer, "It's only fair that you get something that allows you to be in contact with the rest of us... Now, will you do me a favor? Go ahead and call Mammon, he's a registered contact in that DDD."

DDD, huh...? She figured that was just a different word for phone, right? Anyway - she did as she was told, glancing over the screen and swiping until she found a folder that held her new contacts. Colorful names like Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Leviathan and... Satan filled the screen.

Satan. That's cool and normal and Kara actively decided to not be too worried about it.

She tapped Mammon's name on the list of contacts, which activated a call...

On the other end, a groggy voice began to scold her.

"Augh... Th' hell are you? Do you have any idea what time it is, asshole?!"

Kara and Lucifer smiled, tight-lippedly at each other, and basked in the understanding that this was probably going to shape up to be a very long year.

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_... Please..._


	2. interlude: a greedy correspondence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first phone call ^ o ^

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Kara rubbed the back of her neck, rolling her eyes as she thought of the perfect order of words that would convince Mammon to play nice with her.

"I... Don't actually know what time it is, but if it's late, I'm sorry. I'm calling as an exchange student here at RAD, and I was told to contact you."

"Well, whoop-de-doo," said the sleepy Mammon with a yawn, "Whaddoya want me to do about it?"

"What I would _like_ you to do about it," said Kara in reply, trying not to use a _let me speak to your manager_ voice but sort of using one anyway on accident, "Is be my upperclassman and guide as Lucifer told me you would be." She, a bit unsure, looked to Lucifer, who gave her a chilling but approving smile, and a nod.

Mammon snorted on the other side of the call.

"Oh, yeah? You really expect me to believe Lucifer himself is putting _me_ in charge of you? I knew this exchange program was going up sometime soon, but this is ridiculous. Is this a prank call? Y'know, I'd be real careful if I were you, prank-calling THE Mammon."

With a put-upon scoff, Kara sneered and started to think up some sort of retort, but she was cut off by Lucifer.

"Mammon, I'm going to be very gracious and give you 10 seconds to get down here, immediately. 10... 9..."

"Y-YESSIR!"

That was all Kara got out of the Avatar of Greed, before she heard the loud beep of a call being hung up. Shooting Lucifer a slightly startled glance, she found her words again.

"Uh... You've really got your council on a tight leash, huh?" She was grateful for the assistance, but... She wasn't sure if she was exactly _impressed_. Was it a good thing to be such a tyrant in a student council?

"Oh, certainly. Of course they all know they ought to mind me," said Lucifer, showing a prideful smirk, "I'm their older brother, after all. Who else is going to whip them into shape?"

"Oh, uh huh? Cool..." Kara's voice was less than enthused as she found her face contorting into a polite smile, and she found herself wishing Mammon would get his ass over here pronto.

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 _I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR_ ME


	3. the student council is all brothers?! this seems a bit questionable regarding emotional health!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i cannot stress how fun it is writing all these little self insert chapter bits. asmo needs therapy and we all know it but no one wants to say it

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Lucifer took a moment to crack his neck before he went on speaking. His hopes were high for this whole business, but he didn't think they were _too_ high! Leave it to his brothers to disappoint him at every turn, he supposed.

"Well. It sounds like you two had a nice chat. Don't worry too much about Mammon, he's a big talker, but talk is all he does," he said, "And if he gives you excessive amounts of trouble, don't hesitate to let me know."

Though she was still processing everything that had just happened, Kara had to admit - this felt sort of accidental. Did Lucifer really mean to put someone who's a bit abrasive in charge of a position that's so... Social? Maybe times here at RAD are rougher than he and Diavolo want her to believe. Ah well, she can be optimistic so they won't worry too much.

"I hear you!" She said, nodding a bit nervously. "But... I have to say, I'm kind of wondering - why aren't _you_ the exchange student guide? You seem to have all your sh--things in order, you get things done pretty easily... What's Mammon got to offer for this position?"

It took quite a bit of self-control for Lucifer not to mutter _I'm wondering the same thing_ , but he managed before Diavolo spoke up for him.

"I find that Mammon is particularly... _Approachable_ ," he said, which was polite-speak for _stupid_ , "Despite his shortcomings, I think he is the one among us you would have an easiest time confiding in, looking to for guidance and aid, et cetera... Though if you have any complaints down the line, I wouldn't mind discussing a guide transfer with Lord Diavolo."

"Nah, I'll take your word for it for now," said Kara, "I'm sure he'll be fine... W-we'll see, right? Haha..."

"If it makes you feel any better, Kara... I perfectly understand how you feel!" Diavolo pouted slightly with sympathy for the woman, "If I was suddenly brought to a strange place and then I was told that someone dubious would be taking care of me... Well, I'd be a bit nervous myself! But I think you and him will get along just fine as long as you work together... And, that is to say, he's certainly not the only one here to help you out. Remember, we have the rest of the student council to introduce you to!"

"Right, Lucifer's brothers! Yeahhh, those guys..." Murmured Kara, standing in the middle of the Devildom and wondering if there were exactly seven brothers for no real reason in particular.

"Yes... Those guys," Lucifer echoed Kara's words, sounding a bit less-than-enthused himself. "As much as I dread the idea of dragging them all in here... I should let you all get acquainted."

It was then that something put a shocked, undignified look on Lucifer's face - an expression Kara hadn't seen yet, and one she figured she would not see very often after this. A pair of slender, white-sleeved arms stretched out by Lucifer's sides and trapped him in a gentle but certain embrace from behind.

"Oh, come now... Really? I think you should be honored that you get to introduce such a sweet and charming little brother like me~!" Is what the caramel brown-haired man slipping out from behind Lucifer said, a song in his voice.

"This one here..." Lucifer reached behind him for the man's shoulders and positioned him a bit roughly so he was standing straight and tall at his side. "Is Asmodeus, the Avatar of Lust. And the fifth eldest."

Kara smiled and nodded, and tried not to think too hard about the copious amounts of therapy Asmodeus must need, to be hitting on his own brother.

"Wh...! I can't believe you. Don't just ignore what I said!" Asmodeus frowned up at Lucifer, crossing his arms. "And you just call me _this one?_ How rude!"

And then came another mysterious voice, a shock of blonde hair and black horns appearing somewhere behind Lucifer, and it said, "Hmph. How do you think I feel? At least he didn't pretend you don't exist."

Lucifer pointed at the tall blonde man stepping out from behind him with a casual hand, and said "And that one there is Satan, the fourth eldest of us."

Satan simply rolled his eyes. "I'm _that one?_ You certainly know how to name people, Lucifer."

"I hope you realize, Kara," said Lucifer with a passive-aggressive smile, "That you might look at Satan and think he seems like a responsible demon with a good head on his shoulders, but I implore you to remember that looks can be deceiving."

"And they call _me_ the Avatar of Wrath," muttered Satan, refusing to look his older brother in the eyes.

Kara meanwhile, extremely uncomfortable, was occasionally glancing at Asmodeus, trying to gauge that warmth in his eyes. Was it a front he'd developed after years of dealing with family drama? Was he also seeing this shit? Was he also unable to believe this shit? He simply winked in response, which made Kara jump a bit and look away, flustered.

But it seemed Asmodeus was better at reading a room than Kara gave him credit for. He slinked away from Lucifer's side and went straight to Kara's, stretching one arm out until his hand could touch her shoulder, and he said, "So... Being demons, we might look a bit like humans, but I can tell you right now that we are very, _very_ different... Down to our biology."

Kara nodded, giving a dead-sounding "Uh-huh" as this demon alluded to having a xenodick.

Then Asmo gasped and pushed her playfully, teasing "I mean about our powers! Ugh, where is _your_ mind, you dirty girl?"

Kara was exhausted already, but she chuckled weakly and asked, "Oh, uh, powers, huh?"

"Yes, our powers." Asmodeus gave the poor girl some space, sensing she was _not_ horny about this, but he knew she'd come around once he gave her a little demonstration. "In fact... How about I show you what mine are all about? Kara, could you gaze into my eyes for a moment?"

" _Christ_ ," Kara muttered, unable to stop the exasperated noise coming out of her, and then she just closed her eyes, nodding, deciding that whatever happened was something she could deal with later. Or maybe the demon courts could deal with this if it got so out of hand. Was it morbid to imagine the worst case scenario? Maybe, but she couldn't help it - people who have already survived some disturbing things have disturbing thoughts. "Uh-- yeah. Okay."

Asmodeus paused, his brows furrowing upward with concern. "... Now, alright, I know I haven't made the best impression, but I'm not gonna hurt you, alright? If you could give me another chance, just... Look here, don't be shy."

Well, at least Kara could tell that Asmodeus wasn't a total sex pest. So she agreed, deciding to trust that he wouldn't violate her somehow, but she furrowed her brows a bit, trying to stay vigilant as she met his gaze.

"Yes, great! That's perfect, sweetheart... Now, keep your eyes fixed on mine. Juuuust like that...~" He cooed, taking Kara's face in his hands. Though she struggled to admit it to herself, she wasn't completely hating being doted on like this.

But then Satan piped up, noticing what was happening. "Oh-- Kara, I should probably warn you, you'd best be wary of Asmodeus' gaze. He can charm and manipulate people, and use them to his own advantage."

Asmodeus sighed, rolling his eyes. "You make it sound so gross. I don't do anything they don't consent to!"

"And if he charms you," Satan went on, ignoring Asmo, "He'll gobble you up without hesitation."

"That sounds like he's kidding," Kara said, a bit anxious again, "Is he kidding?"

"Mmm..." Asmodeus stopped for a moment, thinking. "Well. No. But this is just a demonstration, I'm not gonna eat you, silly~!"

Kara decided not to think about how expendable she would be to this terrifying, broken demon if she wasn't the chosen exchange student, and any feeling of being special she'd had minutes ago melted away.

But... You know, they were looking into their eyes for a good while now.

"Is... Something supposed to happen yet?" Kara asked, starting to look unamused.

Asmodeus responded with a sheepish grin, "Uh... Yes, actually? I, uh... Hm... Maybe... Maybe Lucifer, uh... Disabled my... Hehe..."

"I didn't disable anything, Asmodeus," said Lucifer, glaring a bit. "Are you done now? You're making her uncomfortable and I'm getting sick of watching it."

"Huh?" Asmodeus looked down at Kara, who was making herself small, with her shoulders all hunched over, without even noticing herself. "Oh. Sorry! H-haha... If I ever go too far, I want you to tell me, alright?" And with that, he backed off, making room for the next brother to come into the assembly hall, a tall, muscular orange-haired demon with a grim expression.

Lucifer sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose. That demon would be the death of him someday - they all would.

"So... Moving on. This is the sixth eldest brother, Beelzbebub. Beel, introduce yourself." Lucifer motioned to Beelzebub with a weary gesture.

Beelzebub simply answered, "Lucifer, I'm hungry."

And through grit teeth, Lucifer spat back, "Well, that's too bad, isn't it? Behave yourself and say hello to the new exchange student, you'll get your supper later."

Beelzebub sighed, looking away for a second before looking back at Kara.

"I'm Beelzebub, the Avatar of Gluttony," he said simply.

Kara nodded, trying to be patient with this very hungry guy. Maybe he wasn't always this grumpy... She offered her hand for a handshake. "It's nice to meet you."

He took her hand, as expected, and she found that his handshake was much firmer than hers... She'd even given him as firm a handshake as she could, like she always does when greeting strange men! She hoped this giant was gentle, and she smiled uneasily as she shook her slightly-aching hand. Beelzebub didn't seem to notice a thing.

Starting to get ahold of the situation again, Lucifer announced "There are seven of us brothers in all, you see. And I am the eldest, as I'd told you before. Mammon, the second oldest of us, will be here soon."

Kara chuckled - she was right, there was a brother to represent each deadly sin here... But then she remembered that ultimatum Lucifer gave... 10 seconds had passed a long time ago. She hoped the Avatar of Pride was just joking, but something told her he was as dead serious as the look on his face.

Going on, Lucifer said "My other brothers aren't here at the moment, so I do apologize for that. But... Well, we can get to them later. All in good time."

Diavolo looked... Quite frazzled as he gladly took the figurative mic back from Lucifer, who had no idea what an embarrassment he and all his brothers were being to this exchange program with their passive aggressive antics and drama.

"Yes, th-- thank you, Lucifer... Your explanations are much appreciated!" He said, smiling at an equally frazzled Kara, and sensed she understood his plight as the president of this messy student council. That brought him some peace, imagining she sympathized with him rather than judged him, so he went on, "During your stay in the Devildom, the seven brothers will lend you their strength. To keep you safe, you are to stay with them at the House of Lamentation."

"Oh no," said Kara, smiling good-naturedly, "That-- that doesn't sound good."

"You don't need to be so worried," said Lucifer with an easy smile. "It's where I live with my brothers - luckily, it's right across the street from RAD, so transit is easy! It is a rather spacious estate, and it was originally a cursed house in the human world. Just some fun trivia for you... So I assume it won't be a problem for you, a human, to live there, am I correct?"

This was less comforting to Kara than Lucifer thought. Of course she'd be fine with a human house - nevermind that it's haunted! But... Truth be told, there was also a side of Kara that was excited to try sleeping in a haunted house. With seven guys here to defend her, she wasn't too scared of ghosts... Right? Well. She supposed she would find out in time.

So of course, she said, "Yeah! That's-- very generous of you, thank you, Lucifer."

Lucifer's smile softened, starting to look a bit more natural. "It's simply what's right, you don't need to thank me. Now, back to business. You saw that your DDD has all of us in it as contacts, right?"

"Right!" Kara pulled out her phone again, checking to make sure she hadn't somehow imagined that... Checking her contacts, she found that Lucifer was right. Even Diavolo was in there!

"Good. Just so you know, your DDD also has a messaging app in case you need to reach one of us, but can't call for some reason. Every eventuality has been planned for, so you don't need to worry about a thing," Lucifer said, beginning to puff up like the proud bird he was.

"Oh, excellent! Here - let me send you a quick text, Kara!" Diavolo pulled out his phone like a giddy little boy and started tapping away.

Kara's phone buzzed a few seconds later, and Diavolo showed her his best, most winning grin as she glanced over his message.

_SDKJSHDFLGHLK;JLHKSH I'M SO EXCITED TO MEET U KARA!!!!!!! ^ O ^ don't be shy ok?? you can chat with me any time!!!!_

... Huh. Lord Diavolo was adorable, and she already felt like she could trust him.

"Isn't that nice, Kara?" Satan smirked from behind Kara, reading over her shoulder, "You get to be friends with the future king of the Devildom! Your future's looking bright indeed."

Fighting back a heart attack, Kara wrestled with the understanding that this year would be quite long, indeed.

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_SHOW UP THE LIE_


	4. my upperclassman is a real dick! did they even plan this exchange program out at all?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello again!! been having lots of fatigue issues unfortunately so my will to write phases in and out, but here's this. enjoy!

It looked for a moment like a hint of relief crossed Lucifer's face, seeing Kara get along so well with Diavolo. But then a certain silver-haired brother walked through the door and that second or two of anal loosening had passed.

"Well, you've got that all done and taken care of now," said the eldest brother, glancing from Kara to the newest arrival in the meeting hall, "And it seems the idiot has arrived as well. What luck."

Surprising even Lucifer, Mammon whipped off his sunglasses with a near-invisible sleight of hand and began his rant from the phonecall anew.

"HEY!" He yelled, pushing past Asmodeus and Satan and stomping towards Kara without hesitation, "You there, just _who_ do you think you are, huh?! You've got a lotta nerve summoning the _Great Mammon!_ "

Kara silently glanced, stone-still, wide-eyed, from Mammon to Lucifer. As if begging for an answer, as if silently intimating - _Is he ALWAYS like this?_ And, completely oblivious to the wordless correspondence being exchanged by the exchange student and his brother, Mammon simply kept on ranting.

"Listen up, because I'm only gonna say this once - if you value your life, then you'll hand over all your money now! And anything else of value, too!"

"Is-- is he serious?" Asked Kara, eyes nearly popping out of her skull with how hard she was fighting to suppress the giggles bubbling out of her.

"You better believe it, human! I mean it, otherwise I'll wipe that stupid, happy-go-lucky look right off your face... By eatin' you! Startin' at your head, and working my way down, until--"

"MAMMON!" Came a cry that surprised just about everyone in the room, because it was not followed by a stern thread or any kind of scolding. It was followed by an eruption of laughter, and a curse. "Holy SHIT!"

Diavolo and his council of demon brothers stared at Kara who was nearly doubled over, trying to get ahold of herself.

Seeing the self-righteous rage growing on his brother's face, Lucifer stepped in before this situation could blow up any further.

"Mammon," he said, with a coldly even tone, "I swear on the old tombs, if you don't shut up and attend to your duty, I will make you wish you'd never been born."

And, with a sort of Pavlovian chill running down his spine, Mammon obeyed. Grumbling under his breath about the disturbance this all caused him, but obeyed.

"Is he always like this?!" Kara finally asked aloud, uproariously pleased. "Am I gonna ask him to help me find the bathroom and he's just gonna start ripping my head off?"

"You don't seem all that concerned, Kara..." Asmodeus said with a curious smirk, tilting his head slightly, "I haven't seen a human this unbothered since... Well, you'll meet the other human attending RAD once you pick out your classes, I guess."

Kara shrugged and explained herself, "I guess it's just more... Funny when some guy starts screaming at you like that, y'know? It's the absurdity of it. Reminds me of a joke someone would tell about men."

"Ahhh, not a big fan of men, are you? Well, that's a bit of a problem..." The Avatar of Lust pouted, sidling closer to Kara. "Ah, well. Do you suppose we can resolve to be best friends anyway~?"

"Eh? W-well, I don't see why we can't try..." As odd as it was to be put on the spot like this, this was among the nicer responses she'd got to making a joke about how men. But maybe Asmo had the wrong idea, it wasn't that she was _completely_ disinterested in men, it just... Took a special sort of guy to get her attention.

Satan chuckled behind his hand and steered the conversation back on course.

"I can say from experience that this is about as loud as he likes to get - but don't worry, he never follows through on these threats. That's not his style, that direct intimidation... Because he's the Avatar of Greed. Mammon likes to work behind the scenes of your life."

Kara wondered for a second if that was better or worse.

"You know," Satan went on, "Whenever he takes a liking to someone, they suddenly find themselves awash in money. But if that fondness runs out... That wealth is said to evaporate. They're left without a Grimm to their name."

Kara then made a mental note to try and make friends with Mammon somehow! After all, the currency here was totally unfamiliar to her...

"And he's also a masochist," said Asmo slyly from beside Kara, "That part's important."

"I wish that-- wasn't a thing that you said," said Kara with a stunned grin.

"Indeed. And it just so happens I have a job for my masochist of a brother," said Lucifer.

Kara's lips tightened as she gently tried to stop herself from commenting further... Was it really normal for brothers to know these things about each other - and just share them freely with strangers?

"Uh-huh. You wake me up in the middle of the night and get some snotty human to prank call me, and you've got a job for me," Mammon said, crossing his arms.

"I most certainly do," said Lucifer, completely unbending, "Mammon - _you_ are going to be in charge of seeing to this human's needs during the whole exchange."

"What--" Mammon's head whipped over to Kara, and he stammered, "Did-- You weren't kidding about that?!"

Kara shrugged, offering an amused but sympathetic smile.

"Why me?!" Mammon asked, which was also the question on everyone else's mind - why the belligerent asshole, indeed?

"Don't take this as too much of a compliment, Mammon," said Lucifer, closing his eyes and starting to carefully weigh his words, "But I have determined that you are the most... Qualified for this job. After all, think about it - Asmodeus would simply try to seduce her. Beelzebub would eat her if we didn't watch him every moment of the day. Satan isn't particularly skilled with socializing. And Leviathan-- haha. Ohh, Leviathan... Well. You see what I'm getting at here."

At this, Mammon did seem to take a moment and think about the whole affair.

"I see... You've finally wised up and figured out that I'm the most competent of your little brothers, is that right?" A big, proud grin spread on his face, one so earnest it made Kara smile. "Well, better late than never, huh? That's right, I'm the best and we all know it."

"Sounded more like he decided you're the least pathetic at the meager task of being this human's buddy," said Asmo with a cyanide smile, "But alright. Loser."

Kara couldn't help herself from rooting for Mammon in this moment. Sure, he seemed a little full of himself, but maybe all this brother drama had something to do with his ego. But Mammon didn't seem to let it get him down too much.

"Sounds like you're just jealous, li'l bro. I'll accept the compliment, and y'know what? Why not? I'll accept the job too, seeing as how I'm the best guy for the job." And then he motioned to Kara, beckoning her near. "Alright, human. Listen up... As much as I don't _wanna_ look after you, it seems like I've got no choice. For the good of the Devildom, and all. But in return for my rare, precious generosity... If you cause me any trouble, it'll be your ass on the line, not mine. Got it?"

And Kara simply stared up at him, unamused.

K"... Hello? Uh-- Earth to human?" Mammon waved his hand in front of Kara's face, which made her wince and swat his hand away instinctively.

"I heard you," she said, "I just think your terms are ridiculous. I'm the one who's new here and has the most to lose if I make a mistake or an enemy, not you. You have to take care of me."

Something about being bossed around so gently by this human made Mammon stop and flush slightly... But he simply rolled his eyes and offered a "Whatever."

"Alright," Lucifer cut in, starting to smile again. "Now that we've settled that debate, onto the next item on our list... Your tasks."

Glancing over at Lucifer, Kara simply nodded with a neutral expression, showing she was listening.

"Your main task is to polish up your soul nicely, and to acquire the power to resist demons."

Kara simply said "Um."

"Well - let me explain a bit more," said the eldest brother, "Here at RAD, the tradition has been to teach demons how to tempt humans... Particularly those with pure, shining souls. The purer a soul is, the more power it gives a demon who can tempt it and eat it... But what could also happen is, the soul could be too powerful and resist the demon. Part of this exchange program is... You could call it an experiment, to find out who will win if humans are given more of a fighting chance here in the Devildom."

"Uh-huh... And what happens if I win?" Asked Kara.

Then, Lucifer and Diavolo exchanged brief looks.

"Let's see..." Diavolo finally spoke up, and then a smile of realization crossed his face. "I know Lucifer can prepare some rewards to really make it worth your while. Once you spend a little more time with us, you'll be able to appreciate the gravity of such an offer."

Kara tried her best to look appreciative, but Lucifer saw right through her.

He said, "Now, now - don't give me that look... You won't have to perform this task on your own. After all, you don't have any magic in you, unlike the other exchange student from the human world..."

Humans could have magic in them? The guy Lucifer and Asmodeus alluded to earlier was starting to catch Kara's interest...

"So what I mean to say is," he said, looking down for a moment and offering a strong, comforting hand to Kara, "My brothers and I will lend our power to you... Only you, in fact - we are all sworn to protect and aid you."

Glancing from Lucifer's hand slowly up to those captivating red eyes, Kara... Swallowed quietly and put her hand in his.

"That's a good girl," he said, eyes narrowing and lips curling up into a devilish smile. "Now. With that, I do believe my explanation has come to a close. In summary, you are here to help Lord Diavolo heal relations between demons, angels and humans alike, and aim for an era of before-unheard-of peace... To achieve this, you are to keep your soul sparkling, and you are to resist the temptation of any strange demons you don't know... And then you are to write a term paper at the end of the year, describing your experiences here in the Devildom. Do you have any questions, Kara?"

... With a trembling grin, Kara answered. "Just one. Where do I sign?"

.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆..⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆..⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆..⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆..⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆..⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆..⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆..⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡

_IN MY DREAMS I SEE YOUR SMILE_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you are out of your goddamn mind if you think i'm going to write dance battle fanfiction


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